While I enjoyed reading last month’s article because it offered a non-human perspective, I took offense to the fact that you interviewed a dog rather than a cat. If you want good advice, ask a feline, not a canine.
Okay, Groucho, I’ll give you equal time. What words of wisdom do you have to impart?
Groucho: I’ll start by stating the obvious: Cats are better than dogs.
Annie: What evidence do you have to make such an assertion?
GM: What’s the greatest poem in the English language?
A: A lot of people would say, “The Tyger”, by William Blake.
GM: What’s the greatest Broadway musical ever?
A: For me, it’s “Cats”.
GM: And what’s the greatest comic strip of all time?
A: “Calvin and Hobbes”, of course!
GM: All starring cats. And what’s the culmination of canine culture? Snoopy? Scooby Doo? I rest my case.
A: You’re speaking of the arts, which are important of course. But what about real life heroes like RinTinTin, or all of the service dogs who help wounded veterans or people with disabilities? I’ve never heard of service cats.
GM: That’s because dogs were put on this earth to serve men, and men were put here to serve cats.
A: That’s a very arrogant statement that will offend a lot of people.
GM: A fact is a fact whether you believe it or not.
A: What do you say to people who claim that cats are an environmental disaster because of all the birds and other little creatures that they kill?
GM: I’m sorry that we made the passenger pigeon and the ivory-billed woodpecker go extinct. Oh, wait…you humans did that. You know something else you did that we cats would never do? You killed one hundred million of your own kind in the last one hundred years. So don’t lecture us kitties about being killers.
A: You seem to know a lot about human affairs. What do you think of our new president?
GM: Excuse me while I cough up a hairball.
A: Sorry. I know I shouldn’t bring up politics, or religion. But I have to ask: Are you a Buddhist?
GM: You mean because we cats often have a look of serene contentment? Well I’ve got news for you Annie: Buddha was copying us, not the other way around. The best faith you humans came up with was in ancient Egypt, where you worshipped cats. Give me that old time religion.
A: With an attitude like that, it’s no wonder a lot of people say that they hate cats.
GM: A lot of people are stupid. The truth is: More Americans are owned by cats than own dogs.
A: Why do you think that is?
GM: Because humans secretly aspire to be like cats. We sleep whenever we want, work only when we want, get waited on hand and foot. Who wouldn’t want that kind of life? But since most humans can’t be like cats, you’ll have to settle for living with us. I know Christmas is over, but you can start the New Year off right by adopting a cat from your local shelter or rescue. You’ll be giving yourself the present of our presence!
Send your ‘Ask Annie About Animals’ questions to:
Wolf Song Enterprises, LLC
1657 S. Getty, Suite 28 Muskegon, MI 49442
or email your question to: WolfSongEnterprises@gmail.com
Annette Vida is a licensed veterinary technician with multi-species experience in day clinic, emergency clinic and mobile veterinary care facilities. She is also a certified dog trainer with 40 years experience. Annette has been involved with rescuing animals for decades and shares her home with her wonderful husband and many (rescued) animals. She owns and operates Wolf Song Enterprises, LLC, where she offers animal related consulting services and training. Her office is located at 1657 S. Getty, Ste 28, Muskegon, MI 49442. Call 231-740-3879 for an appointment—home consultations also available. www.WolfSongEnterprises.com